Richie Spedding emerged as the bookies' hot favourite to replace Ray French as the BBC's new voice of rugby league. French's position as the stereotypical northerner designed to make RL look like a parochial M62 based farce was plunged into doubt last night after it emerged he'd tested positive for E's.
Extensive analysis of last season's Challenge Cup coverage showed numerous examples of French under the influence of E's. The most common occurences included "E's going for that line", "E's in at the corner" and "E's a big 6 foot 2, 15 stone, former Blackbrook amateur". Thankfully for the BBC and the unique way in which it is funded, co-commentator Jonathan Davies tested negative; very negative.
A respected drugs advisor told www.richiespedding.co.uk "E's are not good. They have a very profound effect on the brain & users are often found to get over-excitable for no apparent reason. E's can cause major confusion in the user who may find themselves mistaking people of different height, weight, shirt or even skin colour! However, E's do stimulate the brain in a bizarre way that makes the user remember the exact height, weight & former amateur club of everybody they come across".
The BBC's battered reputation as a top-class broadcaster of sports would surely take a shot in the arm from hiring such a respected knowledge in the game as Spedding. However a BBC insider was quoted as saying "It'll never happen, the Beeb using Spedding would make rugby league look like an exciting, skillful & highly-professional sport. That wouldn't go down particularly well with our great chums at the RFU now would it. Besides, it's a non-starter; the 5th round weekend clashes with Richie sorting out the middle-east problem."
The man himself refused to give comment on the rumours but in an exclusive for this website he told us "Just say no, kids"! We will Richie, we will.
Saturday, 24 February 2007
Tuesday, 20 February 2007
No British title fight for Spedding
Anthony Mundine. Solomon Haumono. John Hopoate. Monty Betham. Now Richie Spedding?
Audley Harrison's defeat to Michael Sprott on Saturday has left the British heavyweight boxing scene wide open, with only three even half-credible fighters which inevitably led to rumours that Richie Spedding would soon be entering the squared circle to bring order to the division, but this website can officially deny those following an exclusive chat with the man himself.
"Promoters are always getting in touch" said Spedding yesterday, "but I'm just not interested. I mean - where's the challenge? Sprott, Skelton, Gammer - you're having a laugh mate". The news will no doubt come as a blow to the boxing fraternity.
Instead, Spedding's main concern in the fight game is the development of a young protegé who has been training alongside Spedding. "I've kind of taken him under my wing and he relishes the sort of training I do, although he obviously can't keep up yet". The fighter is believed to be a devout Muslim heavyweight, and the promotion potential in the United States is enormous as a result. "We'll go over there and milk the Americans for all their Islamophobia is worth" said astute businessman Spedding.
We also managed to pick his thoughts on the rugby. "Summer rugby? Be nice when it happens eh? I'm not sure why some of these clubs put up with it" he said, with specific reference to the Headingley turf last Friday night. "The ruggeroids make a right mess of that pitch all winter leaving the Rhinos with a quagmire to play on. And then they give the groundsman an award at half-time! Oh, the irony." However, Spedding failed to confirm or deny that his non-appearance was due to a multi-million pound boot deal which states that the multi-million pound boots he wears must always be pristine to preserve the company's image.
Audley Harrison's defeat to Michael Sprott on Saturday has left the British heavyweight boxing scene wide open, with only three even half-credible fighters which inevitably led to rumours that Richie Spedding would soon be entering the squared circle to bring order to the division, but this website can officially deny those following an exclusive chat with the man himself.
"Promoters are always getting in touch" said Spedding yesterday, "but I'm just not interested. I mean - where's the challenge? Sprott, Skelton, Gammer - you're having a laugh mate". The news will no doubt come as a blow to the boxing fraternity.
Instead, Spedding's main concern in the fight game is the development of a young protegé who has been training alongside Spedding. "I've kind of taken him under my wing and he relishes the sort of training I do, although he obviously can't keep up yet". The fighter is believed to be a devout Muslim heavyweight, and the promotion potential in the United States is enormous as a result. "We'll go over there and milk the Americans for all their Islamophobia is worth" said astute businessman Spedding.
We also managed to pick his thoughts on the rugby. "Summer rugby? Be nice when it happens eh? I'm not sure why some of these clubs put up with it" he said, with specific reference to the Headingley turf last Friday night. "The ruggeroids make a right mess of that pitch all winter leaving the Rhinos with a quagmire to play on. And then they give the groundsman an award at half-time! Oh, the irony." However, Spedding failed to confirm or deny that his non-appearance was due to a multi-million pound boot deal which states that the multi-million pound boots he wears must always be pristine to preserve the company's image.
Sunday, 4 February 2007
Spedding 'left cold' by season opener
Bringing you the verdict on the first game of Super League XII in the company of the man himself, this website can bring you exclusive insight into the thoughts of Rugby League superstar Richie Spedding as we watched St Helens start the defence of their title at Huddersfield.
The big talking point was the new interpretation of the obstruction rules. Spedding was critical of the officials. "I don't know whether it was Ashley Klein operating on his own initiative or an edict from Red Hall, but either way this made for a poor spectacle and I fear that the essence of the game is at risk if this continues." He was also scathing about the unidimensional attitude of the Huddersfield Giants, saying that "once they've sent the big fellers in, what have they got? Nothing." And, being an expert on wing play (as well as every other type of play) his considered opinion was "Gardner v Gardner? I'd rather watch Kramer v Kramer."
"Overall I was dismayed", he continued. "As soon as Stevo said how this would be 'the best season ever', I knew it would fall flat. The teams aren't stronger. They may be more even, but that doesn't always mean an increase in quality."
He also had a word for the fixture schedulers who he blamed for a disjointed feel to the season's beginning. "There's an easy way to schedule around the World Club Challenge. Everyone kicks off today and when round 3 was supposed to happen, we have a blank weekend for the WCC. Not only is that sensible, it gives automatic prestige to the WCC - the one thing it's been lacking in a number of years."
richiespedding.co.uk will continue to bring you the thoughts of Rugby League's number 1 pin-up throughout Super League XII.
The big talking point was the new interpretation of the obstruction rules. Spedding was critical of the officials. "I don't know whether it was Ashley Klein operating on his own initiative or an edict from Red Hall, but either way this made for a poor spectacle and I fear that the essence of the game is at risk if this continues." He was also scathing about the unidimensional attitude of the Huddersfield Giants, saying that "once they've sent the big fellers in, what have they got? Nothing." And, being an expert on wing play (as well as every other type of play) his considered opinion was "Gardner v Gardner? I'd rather watch Kramer v Kramer."
"Overall I was dismayed", he continued. "As soon as Stevo said how this would be 'the best season ever', I knew it would fall flat. The teams aren't stronger. They may be more even, but that doesn't always mean an increase in quality."
He also had a word for the fixture schedulers who he blamed for a disjointed feel to the season's beginning. "There's an easy way to schedule around the World Club Challenge. Everyone kicks off today and when round 3 was supposed to happen, we have a blank weekend for the WCC. Not only is that sensible, it gives automatic prestige to the WCC - the one thing it's been lacking in a number of years."
richiespedding.co.uk will continue to bring you the thoughts of Rugby League's number 1 pin-up throughout Super League XII.
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