Spedding Set For Commentary Role?

Richie Spedding emerged as the bookies' hot favourite to replace Ray French as the BBC's new voice of rugby league. French's position as the stereotypical northerner designed to make RL look like a parochial M62 based farce was plunged into doubt last night after it emerged he'd tested positive for E's.

Extensive analysis of last season's Challenge Cup coverage showed numerous examples of French under the influence of E's. The most common occurences included "E's going for that line", "E's in at the corner" and "E's a big 6 foot 2, 15 stone, former Blackbrook amateur". Thankfully for the BBC and the unique way in which it is funded, co-commentator Jonathan Davies tested negative; very negative.

A respected drugs advisor told www.richiespedding.co.uk "E's are not good. They have a very profound effect on the brain & users are often found to get over-excitable for no apparent reason. E's can cause major confusion in the user who may find themselves mistaking people of different height, weight, shirt or even skin colour! However, E's do stimulate the brain in a bizarre way that makes the user remember the exact height, weight & former amateur club of everybody they come across".

The BBC's battered reputation as a top-class broadcaster of sports would surely take a shot in the arm from hiring such a respected knowledge in the game as Spedding. However a BBC insider was quoted as saying "It'll never happen, the Beeb using Spedding would make rugby league look like an exciting, skillful & highly-professional sport. That wouldn't go down particularly well with our great chums at the RFU now would it. Besides, it's a non-starter; the 5th round weekend clashes with Richie sorting out the middle-east problem."

The man himself refused to give comment on the rumours but in an exclusive for this website he told us "Just say no, kids"! We will Richie, we will.